


The end of the story

by frenchfairy



Series: What if it could be different? [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Conversations, F/M, Naked Cuddling, Severus Snape Lives, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 18:11:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15913572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frenchfairy/pseuds/frenchfairy
Summary: This work is inspired by Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality. I would like to say a huge thank you to  Eliezer Yudkowsky for alternative life of Severus Snape. I think he truly deserved that and he repaid his mistakes in full.There are some chapters of the HPMOR I would recommend to the reader to look through that would help to understand the development of events. I also left some citations if you don't want to read the HPMOR.





	The end of the story

 Rianne Felthorne returned to her bed, trying not to wake the girls. She didn't want anybody to ask questions like where she was or whether she was crying. It appeared that her expectations about love were wrong, or maybe the expectations about the person she loved. She didn't understand him at all; she even didn't know where to look for an explanation. Surely, there was something, there have to be the reasons of sudden mood swings, from cold to passion and to anger. He could just send her away if he didn't like her, but instead he made love to her. Was it really love? People don't need love to sleep together. Sometimes Rianne thought men didn't need love at all. And he won't need her anymore. _You will not try to talk to me or otherwise contact me outside school business_. And this is over. She couldn't just come to him after what he's done. She couldn't forgive this humiliation and she couldn't make herself forget all of this. Rianne didn't notice how she fell asleep.

Snape was in his bed, finishing whisky. He felt relieved but sadness was still piercing his heart. The girl will never seek his company, not after this. One problem less. Sometimes he wanted all his problems to be over. He often looked at the vial of the Living Death and thought that one drop of it in a glass of whisky and he's free, but his promise to Dumbledore kept him alive. His memory of what he's done kept him alive. With the Dark Mark on his arm getting brighter he knew that Dark Lord is returning. And then there will be no time and no place for anything else.

Rianne didn't come to her Potions class on Tuesday, she was afraid of facing Snape. She was sure he wouldn't show any emotions, he would be as cold and distant as always during the class, but she wasn't sure that she could stand that. Instead, she went to the library and tried to prepare for Arithmancy. After some fruitless attempts to read she just sat there and let her thoughts trail off.

On Friday she was last to enter the classroom and sat on the back row. Snape didn't even look at her, he was cold and moody as usual. On the one hand, it was good, it helped Rianne to stay calm and concentrate on her notes.

The news about Hermione's attempt to kill Malfoy shocked everybody. All the students had their theories, some of them were talking that Snape was an old enemy of Malfoy's family and he sat up this girl. The others said that actually Snape was an old friend of Lucius and they were in You-Know-Who's army together. Snape's a Death Eater? Rianne didn't believe that really. But what if yes? Would she fall in love with him if she knew that? Rianne decided to find out as much as possible.  She couldn't ask too much questions without raising suspicion so she started with newspapers.

_If you haven’t read Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, read **Chapter 86** to get the idea of what happened. Further there will be some citations in italics._

  _When the Potions Master was done, he spoke again. "I... do not know how to broach this topic, Mr. Potter, so I will simply say it... before the Dementor, you recovered your memory of the night your parents died?"_

_Harry silently nodded._

_"If... I know it must not be a pleasant memory, but... if you could tell me what happened...?"_

_"Why?" Harry said. His voice was solemn, definitely_ _not mocking_ _the pleading look that Harry had never expected to see from that person. "I wouldn't think that would be a pleasant thing for you to hear either, Professor -"_

_The Potions Master's voice was almost a whisper. "I have imagined it every night these last ten years."_

_… … …_

_The last thing my mother said was 'Avada Ke-' but the Dark Lord started his own curse as soon as she said 'Av' and he said it in less than half a second and there was a flash of green light and then - and then - _and then_  -"_

_"That's enough."_

_Slowly, like a body floating to the surface of water, Harry returned from wherever he'd been._

_"That's enough," the Potions Master said hoarsely. "She died... Lily died without pain, then? The Dark Lord... did not do anything to her, before she died?"_

_She died thinking that she'd failed, and that the Dark Lord was going to kill her baby next. That's pain._

_"He - the Dark Lord didn't torture her -" Harry said. "If that's what you're asking."_

_Behind Harry, the door unlocked itself and swung open._

 

Snape was sitting alone in his office staring into space. Lily didn't suffer. Dark Lord kept his promise and offered her a way out, but she chose her baby over her life. Snape couldn't foresee it then and didn't understand it now. If the choice lies between one death and two, why choose two? But how are you going to live if you fail to protect your baby?  All this years he imagined how it happened and had nightmares about it. He saw what Dark Lord could do to people without even touching his wand. Sometimes Snape had to do terrible things himself. After all, it was a war and nobody blames soldiers. Dumbledore was always close and ready to remind him about his guilt and pain. Has it been not enough? Could he be free? Alive or dead, it doesn't matter anymore, he wants this to be over.

Rianne research led her to the pile of old Daily Prophets where, after the whole evening of searching, she found an article about the trial on former Death Eaters. The author was convinced that Severus Snape was one of them, but somehow could gain Dambldore's trust and escape Azkaban. The article ended with a warning to parents to be careful about Dumbledore's choice of teachers. Is he really a Death Eater? Rianne was little when Wizarding War began but she clearly remembered Mother's fear and Father's anger. Did Severus kill people? Did he do these terrible things to Muggle-borns that Daily Prophet so eagerly was describing?

_____________________

 

Rianne went home for Easter. She didn't really want to, but it was decided with the family. When a letter came from one of the girls staying in Hogwarts with the news about Hermione's death everyone on the family was shocked. Mother didn't want to let her back to school and Father even had to have a fight with her about it. Both he and Rianne finally convinced Mother that Hogwarts is still safe, and Rianne will come home right after the exams.

 

**_Chapter 91_ **

_The door closed and clicked behind Severus Snape._

_The Potions Master of Hogwarts wore none of his customary arrogance, or even the dispassionate guise that he ordinarily took in the Headmaster's office; his gaze was strange, as he looked down upon the boy guarding that door; his thoughts unfathomable._

_"I also cannot imagine what the Deputy Headmistress is thinking," said the Potions Master of Hogwarts. "Unless I am meant to serve as a warning of where it will lead you, if you decide to take the blame for her death upon yourself."_

_The boy's lips pressed together. "Fine. Let's just skip ahead to the end of this conversation. You win, Professor Snape. I concede that you were more responsible for Lily Potter's death than I was responsible for Hermione Granger's death, and that my guilt can't stack up to your guilt. And then I ask you to go, and you tell them that it would probably be best to let me alone for a while._ _Are we done?"_

_… … …_

_"Do you intend to declare that your life is now a ruin and that there is nothing left for you but vengeance?"_

_"No. I still have -" The boy cut himself off._

_"Then there is very little advice that I can give you," said Severus Snape._

Hermione's death shocked Severus. It was hard to imagine what it could do to Potter, Snape knew too well how grief and bitterness could bring you to so strong hatred that you are ready to destroy the whole world. And Potter has the abilities to do this. When Severus saw the boy next to Hermione's body, he remembered himself. At least there is something left for the boy, not only guilt and pain.

_________________

In April the life in school slowly returned to its usual way. Rianne was preparing for her NEWTs all the time, when she returned to her room after hours in the library she would fall asleep very quickly. Severus looked at her as if nothing at all happened, he even lectured her on safety when working with Angel's Trumpet and promised to kill her fast before she poisoned herself to spare her a very painful death. After the last class in April Rianne came to Snape's desk.

“Excuse me, Professor, could I have a moment?”

“Yes, what is it?”

“Can I ask you to sign this? It's a letter of recommendation for my internship this summer.”

“Let me see. Where are you going?”

“To the Ministry of Magic in Paris.”

“Nice choice. Here.” - He pushed the parchment over the table without looking at her.

“Do you read a lot of novels, Miss Felthorne?”

“Excuse me?”

“Books, do you read them?”

“Yes, I quite like reading. Why?”

“Let's suppose you are writing one. One character revealed some information to a criminal and this led to death of this character's... let's say the love of his life. How would you describe the next events?”

“Well, I think... I think the main hero has to take revenge on the criminal. Usually, the story ends with it.”

“And what about his life after the revenge takes place?”

“I think he lives peacefully. In a romance they often write that he stops believing in love but somebody makes him think otherwise.  Why do you ask?”

“I'm writing a book. He smirked. Thank you for your advice, Miss Felthorne.”

Rianne hesitated. She wanted him to explain everything, wanted him to say that she meant something for him, but couldn't dare to ask.

“Is the rule of moonstone still working?” - She whispered.

“You know my office hours.”

How stupid and pathetic. Rianne knew that a self-respecting woman doesn't behave such naively, but couldn't resist. She wanted him like nothing else in her life. At the same time, what if the image of him in her head had nothing to do with the real person? They barely talked, she knew neither of his family nor of his life outside school. Maybe this time she would find out.

“What do you want to talk about?” - Snape looked tired and distracted; there were dark circles under his eyes. They were sitting in front of the fire, flames were reflecting on their faces.

“I'm going away in June, for good. Could we...”

“Could we what?”

“Just...”

Rianne didn't know how to say that. Could we be lovers? Could we meet? Could we pretend that it's not going to end?

“Can I be with you until I go?”

“Rianne, do you understand what you are offering?”

“You have my full consent on what could happen tonight.”

Snape hugged her and stroked her hair. That's insane. She came here and offered herself to him. And he knew he wanted that, wanted so badly that might forget about caution. At least, away from him she will be safe.

“Why are you going to France?”

“We decided last year with Father. He has a friend in the Ministry, he arranged the internship. If everything goes well, I can get a position there. Have you been in Paris?”

“No. Didn't have a chance.”

“This story about the book, did it actually happen? Somebody was killed?”

“Stories like that always happen.”

“And... Some people say that you were with the Death Eaters, it's not true, is it?”

“If I tell, I'll have to obliviate you.” Rianne couldn't tell whether it was a joke.

“You don't tell me anything. Why? You don't trust me?”

“I don't trust even myself. Come here.”

Snape kissed her on the lips, and a warm wave of arousal ran through his body. This time he went slowly, exploring his own sensations and emotions. There was no place in his head left for old memories, bitterness and present worries. Their bodies were the center of universe, the outer world seized to exist.

After, when they were lying in his bed, Rianne was afraid that Snape would say something cruel again and she would have to go away again thinking that it was the last time he ever spoke to her. They were laying close together, Rianne's head on his shoulder. Snape was holding her hand, gently stroking her palm. He felt her breath on his skin and the warmth of her body. Then a sudden thought came to him that it was the closest to feeling happy than he has been for years.

“What would the girls say if you return in the morning?”

“They think I'm dating a boy from Rawenclaw.”

“Good. But we'll have to get up early.”

“Will you ever tell me anything about yourself?”

“There is not much to tell.”

“People say terrible thing about you. Like that you were a Death Eater and you killed people.”

“I was never convicted. And you shouldn't read Daily Prophet; they couldn't be trusted even with weather forecasts.”

“I just thought... I don't know almost anything about you.”

“Maybe it's a good thing.”

Snape turned and kissed her to avoid further questions. His past doesn't matter for her, she fell in love with the man he appeared to be, but what would she think if she met real him? He didn't know himself anymore who real Severus Snape is. What would she do when she finds out who he was? Maybe she'll run away from him or maybe she would consider his past romantic.

Snape woke up at dawn. For some moments he watched Rianne's face as if for the first time. Her skin was milky white; she had dark, almost black eyebrows and lashes.  She looked still girly young, but her features already showed the signs of a strong character. Snape remembered how her lips were pressing into a thin line when she was concentrating on a potion. Rianne didn't really have a talent for his subject but her intellect and devotion made her second in class. And he remembered how she started to fall for him. She didn't do anything stupid like writing him letters or wearing make-up, she just started to flush when he came close and look at him when she thought he wouldn't notice.

Rianne was breathing steadily and deeply with a light smile on the lips. Snape stroke her hair and said: “It's time. You need to go back before everyone wakes up.”

Rianne opened her eyes and was surprised to see the expression of Snape's face. It was gentle and … caring? She never saw him like that and couldn't imagine that his face could show that.

_______________________

Over May they had a chance to meet only twice. More and more apparent signs of Dark Lords returning made Snape nervous and suspicious to everyone. Rianne was busy with her exams; she was absolutely exhausted with all the revising and practicing.

_______________________

Rianne went away in early June. She couldn't even say a proper goodbye to Snape, Father took her right after the last exam. Snape felt as if a part of constant pressure disappeared with her being safe with her family away from him.

__________________________

 

**_Chapter 121_ **

_The man who entered the Headmistress's office appeared worn, he had discarded his wheelchair but still walked with a limp. He wore black robes that were simple, yet clean and unstained. Over his left shoulder was slung a knapsack, of sturdy gray leather set with silver filigree that held four green pearl-like stones. It looked like a thoroughly enchanted knapsack, one that could contain the contents of a Muggle house._

_… … …_

_"People are always broken," Harry said, though the words stuck in his throat. "They always make mistakes. At least you tried to repay them."_

_"Perhaps," said the former Potions Master. "My final duty was to fail in guarding the Stone, to be struck down. This I have done, and I survived it, which I never expected to do." Severus was leaning against the door through which he'd entered, taking his weight off his left leg. "I would not have thought to ask for your forgiveness, but since you offer it so freely, I will accept with thanks. From this day on I wish to take less unkindly ways, and I think that is best done by starting over."_

_Tears glistened on Minerva McGonagall's nose and cheeks, when she spoke her voice was without hope. "Surely you could start over inside Hogwarts."_

_Severus shook his head. "Too many students would remember me as the evil Potions Master. No, Minerva. I will go someplace new, and take a new name, and find someone new to love."_

_"Severus Snape," Harry said, because it was his responsibility to say it, "has all your will been done?"_

_"Lily's killer is vanquished," the man said._ _"I am content."_

 ______________________

Rianne was going to her apartment after work, it was sunny and warm; August in Paris was beautiful despite crowds of people. She decided to cut her way through the park and maybe walk there for some time. When she was standing at the traffic lights a tall short-haired man in a leather jacket suddenly turned to her and asked: “Excuse me, miss! Do you know where I could get a glass of proper whisky?”

“Strong drinks are not for young ladies, you know?”  It was the first time Rianne saw Snape's genuine smile.


End file.
